Audio

[whosafraidofthe]

I guess now that everyone's settled I should make a note of this:

I have wolf senses. If you decide to smoke or drink, I can smell it across campus. I will probably patrol once in a while. So anyone who wants to smuggle that in and be the cool kid is going to have to try that much harder to get past me.

On the other hand, if you absolutely have to try it, at least do it around an adult. I personally don't mind keeping you safe while you're doing something stupid, I can't exactly deny being a hypocrit. I do mind having to pull you out of a ditch because no one was there to keep you safe.

Anything harder than that, though, will not be getting past me.

Comments

[whosafraidofthe]

I moved there for the same reason everyone else likes big cities; fast food and convenience. I stayed there because...

[There's a pause, as he tries to word this in a way that doesn't make him sound like a lovesick puppy.]

...I got attached to someone.

[seduceme]

... Oh really~? Do tell. [Right, that's cheered her up.]

[whosafraidofthe]

It's a long story. The basics are that she's the reason I don't still eat people. And probably what kept me alive for most of my old job.

And before you get any ideas, we're just friends. [Although that's said a tad forcefully. As usual.]

[seduceme]

Well that's no fun.






Not even a little-?

[whosafraidofthe]

[A little, try literally killing people over her honor.]

A few people would try to convince you otherwise, but it's completely platonic.

[seduceme]

So what you're telling me is you're romantically attracted to someone whom you believe to be unattainable and are now a single man living with a literal pig.

... No wonder you're always so cranky.

[whosafraidofthe]

...When you put it like that...

[private]

[seduceme]

I believe the phrase in English is "you need to get laid."

[private]

[whosafraidofthe]

And I suppose you're offering.

[It's like he's testing himself to see how much "I don't want this" he can put into one tone of voice.]

Because no one else is.

[seduceme]

Actually, I was going to suggest a little establishment in the city...

[Can you hear that laughter in her voice? Can you?]

[whosafraidofthe]

I'm sworn off of those. And believe me, if you'd lived through what I have you would be too.

[Maybe if he's honest she'll stop, he tells himself hopefully.]

[seduceme]

[When has THAT ever worked?]

But that's all in the past now. Or if you'd rather not visit a brothel, I do remember a call centre...

[whosafraidofthe]

I don't go for working girls.

[Which is said with not only force but a growl.]

[seduceme]

... You prefer boys?

[whosafraidofthe]

That's not what I meant and you know it.

[seduceme]

You never know...

[whosafraidofthe]

[He snarls, and then forces himself to be calm enough to speak.]

Look, the last time I had to deal with a working girl it was because a man who nearly killed me was beating her. The next day I found her head on the steps in front of my apartment. Because I didn't have enough money and Woody hadn't planned to pay to begin with. Forgive me if I'm not thrilled about getting teased about brothels.

[seduceme]

... That seems rather excessive.

[whosafraidofthe]

[...He calms down a bit.]

That's all you've got to say?

[seduceme]

What am I supposed to say? It's in the past.

[whosafraidofthe]

[He snorts, but continues to cool down.]

Some things are easier to let go than others.

[seduceme]

You say that as if you're truly troubled by a few dismembered body parts. [Bigby, sometimes she doesn't get you.]

[whosafraidofthe]

...

[He sighs.]

It's different. The people I ate were a different species to me. She wasn't. She... [Huff.] It's complicated. And I can't imagine you care that much.

[seduceme]

I don't understand the sentiment, that's all. [She's shrugging with her voice, how-]

[whosafraidofthe]

[A long pause.]

She died because of Woody, Woody hurt her because he didn't get fame for nearly killing the Big Bad Wolf and turned into a stupid drunken asshole. It's my fault she's dead, because I am who I am. And it's different than me eating people because I... I was sheriff by then, I was already used to humans being the same species as me. It's different when you care about someone being alive.

[Never has he sounded more like a bleeding heart than this moment.]