💀 TWO - TEXT

[ladyliberty]

so, halloween. any good costume ideas this year?

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[niepokonany]

Oh, me and Fai have something totally bitchin' planned!

[Like they do every year. Matching costumes.]

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[ladyliberty]

Oh yeah? What is it?

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[niepokonany]

What, like we're supposed to give away the surprise? You'll totally see soon!

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[ladyliberty]

Gimme a hint!

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[niepokonany]

[Well, that seems only fair, right?]

Okay! Well, I kinda get the feeling that when it's all over, we'll be drinking margaritas by the sea. Like, Fai might get a job and work at Club Med.

What kind of deal is anybody gonna have to come up with to top that?

[Have to be pretty good. Have to be pretty damn good.]

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[ladyliberty]

Are you gonna be like, hula strippers?

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[niepokonany]

What, like, in New England in October?

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[ladyliberty]

Go big or go home, bro.

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[niepokonany]

Oh, we're totally still going big!

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[ladyliberty]

I'll get Fai to tell me.

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[niepokonany]

As if! Like he'd betray me like that.

[He gets out his phone and makes sure, though, just in case.]

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[ladyliberty]

i can be very convincing

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[niepokonany]

Wow, excuse you!

[Whyyyyyy are all of Fai's lady friends with benefits rubbing it in his face these days?]

Like, Fai and I are joined by the bonds of true bromance, and you can't break that, not with a thousand booty calls, and oh my god, I just figured out what we're doing next year!

[Continuing the theme of "guys you realize that's a very couple-y kind of costume set, right? Guys? ...Guys...?"]

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[ladyliberty]

Oh my god, why don't you guys just fuck already?

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[niepokonany]

Did you like, not hear me say "BRO-mance", dude? He's like, my best friend!

[And both of them are terrified enough of ruining that to dance around each other for nearly six years.]

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[ladyliberty]

...Yeah, and?

[niepokonany]

Well, it's just... Just totally not like that!

Anyway, you know I don't judge everybody else, but hooking up so isn't my thing.

[His thing, apparently, is blind dates that never get a second chance, and once a year or so, getting drunk enough to kiss a stranger, getting cold feet, making a weird excuse ("wow, look at the time, I like have to go check if my goldfish is getting into trouble!"), and fleeing.]

[ladyliberty]

You guys are soooooo totally gay for each other

[niepokonany]

Dude, like, don't you have guy friends you don't want to get it on with?

[ladyliberty]

I don't want to make out with you.

[Does that help?]

[niepokonany]

There's got to be, like, at least one who's not almost too gay to function.

[ladyliberty]

Sure, but we don't wear matching costumes every year for Halloween.

[niepokonany]

Oh my god, what's that even have to do with anything?

[ladyliberty]

Super gay.

[niepokonany]

You know I am, and I know you know he's not.

Anyway, he's like, my best friend. It's totally normal for us to do stuff together!