Those words struck something in Tiamaris the way a clapper strikes the inside of a bell, and with no less resonance. He grabbed the back of a chair to support himself as the words circled in his head, sounding in his mind over and over and over again. That was what he wanted, to do good, to do enough good to weigh against all the evils he had done, enough good to bury forever the monster.
"That," he finally managed to say in a quiet voice, "was why I was trying to join a team. To do some good," he said. He was surprised his voice was strong, though quiet. He expected a whisper. These days he could choose his words, and he did his best to do so with care, but his voice.... It was odd, no longer sounding quite like himself, but he supposed having no choice in how he sounded also meant he didn't have to stress out about choosing how to sound. Still....
He swallowed hard. This man had... Had not seen him as a monster had tried to help, and might be his team leader, if he could get himself under control enough to help, to be worthy. But... The man thought he needed to remove himself from tiamaris' presence for Tiamars' sake. How to explain to him that he did not, that this was the longest conversation he had ever had with someone that didn't end in threats or violence. Well, since his uncle died, anyway. Part of Tiamaris, a small part he was sure he should be ashamed of, wanted the man to stay, wanted to keep the conversation going. There was a weird feeling inside him that he did not understand, like something was less, but the lack was a relief. It made no sense, but he had a feeling that if this man left, he would take the less with him, and what remained might destroy whatever there was left of Tiamaris. Nothing made sense, and all he was doing was confusing himself...
Re: [In Person]
Those words struck something in Tiamaris the way a clapper strikes the inside of a bell, and with no less resonance. He grabbed the back of a chair to support himself as the words circled in his head, sounding in his mind over and over and over again. That was what he wanted, to do good, to do enough good to weigh against all the evils he had done, enough good to bury forever the monster.
"That," he finally managed to say in a quiet voice, "was why I was trying to join a team. To do some good," he said. He was surprised his voice was strong, though quiet. He expected a whisper. These days he could choose his words, and he did his best to do so with care, but his voice.... It was odd, no longer sounding quite like himself, but he supposed having no choice in how he sounded also meant he didn't have to stress out about choosing how to sound. Still....
He swallowed hard. This man had... Had not seen him as a monster had tried to help, and might be his team leader, if he could get himself under control enough to help, to be worthy. But... The man thought he needed to remove himself from tiamaris' presence for Tiamars' sake. How to explain to him that he did not, that this was the longest conversation he had ever had with someone that didn't end in threats or violence. Well, since his uncle died, anyway. Part of Tiamaris, a small part he was sure he should be ashamed of, wanted the man to stay, wanted to keep the conversation going. There was a weird feeling inside him that he did not understand, like something was less, but the lack was a relief. It made no sense, but he had a feeling that if this man left, he would take the less with him, and what remained might destroy whatever there was left of Tiamaris. Nothing made sense, and all he was doing was confusing himself...