xavier_institute

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inazuma eleven: shindou takuto

[video]

[It's the middle of the school-day, during lunch period, when Shindou flicks on his laptop camera, but the backdrop behind him is a quiet corner in one of the student lounges in the dorms. He'd ducked away from the classrooms and cafeteria to find somewhere to organize his thoughts, and now he's looking painfully serious, despite being posed on a couch usually reserved for video game marathons.]

Ah, I'm sorry for bothering the whole network with this, but...

After everything that happened last week, I want to talk about putting a team together. One to train to fight along with the X-Men.

[Shindou faces directly at the camera, his gaze firm and his hands folded in front of him, but his expression's pulled into a terse frown.]

Ever since my first year at this school, there have been people who've tried to hurt us. The Brotherhood, the Sentinels, now the U-Men -- they're not going to stop. Just because of the kind of place this is, someone will always be out there who'll use the fact that we're all living together here against us. We can't do anything but wait for it to happen again, if we don't learn how to be prepared.

And...especially with my power, I'm not able to be any help if I don't have people to work with.

[He shrugs, visibly uncomfortable now.]

I have some experience as an X-Men trainee, but I'm not saying I'm the right person to lead a team like that. I think it's more important that we start learning now and deal with questions like that later. For right now...as long as you're serious about protecting the school, I'd like to hear from anyone who's interested, whether we've talked before or not. You can message me privately, if you'd prefer that. If there are any faculty members who'd be willing to work with us, once I have a group roster together, I'd appreciate talking to you, too.

Thanks, everyone.

[There's a quick, formal nod to the camera, and then he reaches to cut the feed off.]

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I ate already... I just wanted to heat up these cookies.

[He holds up the bag of chocolate chip cookies. He purposely shakes it in a tantalizing way.]

Would you like some? [His voice is hopeful. He doesn't want to corner Shindou just yet if he doesn't have to.]

[Ah, now that he thinks of it, that means it's probably later than he intended to try to tackle food for the night. All this brooding sure has made it easy to lose track of the time.

He cracks a weak smile at the bad Tenma's waving around, gently shaking his head.]

I shouldn't, before I've actually had dinner. [But Tenma makes it sound like it's important, here...]

Maybe just one.

[For the first time in a week, Tenma beams, his anxiety melting away. He dug out two cookies and placed them on a plate and popped them in the microwave. A sweet, gentle aroma filled the kitchen, combating the stench of burnt vegetables, but not quite overpowering it. When the microwave beeped obnoxiously, Tenma immediately pulled the plate out and blew on now warm and moist cookies.]

Careful, they're hot.

[Shindou lets the plate sit when it comes out of the microwave. He's actually kind of starving by this point? (It's possible that his lunches have been cut shorter than usual, lately, what with his efforts to avoid the dining hall.) But that's not important. This isn't a meal, either way.

It's worth savoring all the same, though. He gives the tray of cooling baked goods a soft smile, turning eyes up to his teammate.]

It's funny how everyone always sends sweets, when you're away from home.

[It's funny, too, he's realizing, how fast he can start missing Tenma's smile when it ceases to be a constant. You get acclimated to certain things, don't you? And then it feels wrong when they're not there.]

[That is... an interesting point.]

It would be hard to send something like a bowl of noodles from Rai-Rai Ken.

[He keeps up his smile. While not as intense as before, it's still a genuine and gentle one. Keeping up a facade was difficult and tiring. He was scared Shindou was going to run again, but he knew his senpai would see through a fake smile as soon as it went up.]

Shindou-senpai, about... what we were talking about.

Ah...

[There's no way around avoiding talking about it, is there? Shindou frowns, letting the plate of cookies between them hold his attention for the time being. He can't say that his week's worth of avoidance has sorted out his feelings on the matter all that much better.]

I really didn't expect you to ask that out of the blue before.

I probably overreacted.

[Which...isn't saying that his gut reaction now is any different.]

No, I probably should have explained it better.

[He looks down momentarily, before looking Shindou in the eyes]

When you held that gun, I was scared you were going to have to use it. I didn't--I don't ever want to you to resort to that kind of thing.

[He lets those words sink in before continuing.]

I want to become your power so you won't ever have to!

But - Tenma -

[Shindou's expression strains. It's difficult just keeping himself from looking away or tearing up, right now. Slowly, he brings up one hand to rest tentatively on his friend's shoulder.]

If I'd had to fire, then, to keep you or the others safe...I would've wanted to be able to. I don't know if I could have, but...

If it meant protecting you, it would have been the right thing.

[And the frightening part is that he hasn't been able to see it any other way since then. What does it say about him, that he feels so confident about being willing to do something horrible? The U-Man who'd attacked them had to be disturbed, had to have some kind of life that had become warped...and he still can't make the mental calculus come out different.]

Being part of the X-Men would mean having to make decisions like that. It could mean choosing to hurt someone - to kill someone - because there are people out there who want to do that to us. Even if we try our hardest never to have to... [He winces.]

I can't stand it, thinking about putting you in that position.

Shindou-senpai--

[He understands how Shindou feels. He felt it back then. If he hadn't been desperate enough to project those snakes, he knew Shindou would have no choice but to open fire to protect everyone.]

How do you think I feel about you putting yourself in that position!? I know that maybe I might have to hurt someone, and it scares me. But letting you suffer alone scares me more. We're teammates a--and friends. We're supposed to share each other's burdens to make each other stronger.

[His mouth is getting a little dry now. He's being overwhelmed by both Shindou's emotions and his own.]

I--I know I'm not ready for that. A--And I know the X-Men would never make me do that until I was--unless things were really bad! [Or rather, someone much wiser told him.] I don't care if I never get to go out on missions. I just don't want to be so unprepared and powerless again.

We don't know how fast things could get that bad, Tenma. There wasn't any warning before this attack...and that was nothing compared to the Sentinels. That technology's still out there, waiting to be used against us.

The X-Men have to be ready whenever.

[And it's already enough, being terrified by the question of whether he can manage that. There's no good answer possible there.

He's trying hard to keep himself together, now, since he can see that he's only making it worse, pelting Tenma's empathic powers with everything swirling through his head. But it's hard. He takes a deep breath and grits his teeth for a second, trying to force composure..]

I'm not saying you shouldn't want to train with them. That's not my decision to make. If it's what you want...I'm not going to say it's wrong. Just - I want you to know what it could mean, and... [Shindou looks away, suddenly shamefaced.]

I don't think I couldn't handle leading you into it. I'm not strong enough for that.

[Shindou you weenie didn't you say you weren't going to be leader

...is not what Tenma thinks. He's too busy trying to reel in control over a power he doesn't realize he has.]

Shindou-senpai--

[His head is starting to hurt a lot and leaves him needing to lean on the kitchen counter for support]

You're much stronger than you believe...! W--When we were fighting the Fifth Sector, you kept leading us even when schools were being closed. I know it's--it's not the same level, but back then, it meant everything!

[Those were some intense days when they occurred. He still doesn't like the fact he had to push a precious' friend's health to its limits for that cause, but they had all known the risks.]

You have to believe in us. Alone, there's only so much you or me can do, but together, we can make anything happen. Don't think of the worst when it hasn't even begun...!

[He gives Shindou a small smile. Though it is weak, it appears to be very genuine and full of hope.]

[He tried to say that, but no one took him seriously...!]

I can't stay confident as easily as you can, Tenma. Knowing I could have to put you in danger that way...I wouldn't be able to think straight. I could do something wrong and get everyone hurt because I'm not focused like I ought to be.

[Shindou can't even tell himself that's anything other than a cowardly excuse. The way he winces gives that away, though Tenma's fragile smile mutes his cringing somewhat.

He's halfway opening his mouth to speak up again, when it sinks in how his friend's basically popping himself against the counter to stay upright, now. That stops him in his tracks.]

H-hey -- [The grip he has on Tenma's shoulder is pulling them closer, now, offering an arm to hold him up.]

Tenma, are you alright? What's wrong...?

Edited (a word and also formatting) 2014-11-13 06:52 (UTC)

I won't be in danger...! I'll be... safe.

[The overwhelming sensation is suddenly gone, and all he can think about is how Shindou is suddenly worried. He's feeling his strength come back, though he still feels drained, as if he had been crying the entire time.]

H--Huh? That's funny... I don't know what just happened.

[Shindou continues to try to prop Tenma up, even though it's visibly not quite so necessary, now. He loops an arm underneath one of his friend's and shifts around to try to get a clearer look at his face.]

Did something hurt? [He asks, brushing back the midfielder's hair to hold a palm to his forehead.] You looked like you were going to faint for a second there.

[Tenma shakes his head.]

No, it just felt like something heavy started to sit on my head. I'm fine now.

[Okay, no, that's not reassuring at all?? Shindou frowns tensely and draws back his hand.]

Alright, but you should get off your feet until we're sure you're okay. You haven't been pushing your powers in class or anything, lately, have you...?

[Tenma didn't make it sound like a normal headache, so that's the only thing that's springing to mind. And, as he asks, he's reaching over to pick up the midfielder's plate of cookies, before trying to tug him along towards the door.

There's not anywhere good to crash right here, so he's going to pull him towards the nearest lounge.]

Shindou-senpai, I'm fine--! [He tries to pull away to prove his point, but Shindou's mothering hold keeps him in place. Curse your senpai powers!]

I've been practicing more, but--but.. [Words fail him. When he does practice, it was a different kind of headache, the type that arises from strain. This sensation had been entirely different, but he didn't feel the need to worry about it. Still, he felt a little guilty that Shindou's worrying over him made him happy.]

You weren't a minute ago.

[Tenma's protests get shrugged off with that simple, insistent declaration. They're not stopping until they barge into what looks like a sitting room, probably used more for faculty off-hours than student hang-outs from the looks of things. It's empty for the moment, though, and Shindou tugs his captive kouhai over to a couch and waves for him to take a seat.

He settles down himself a moment later, settling the plate he'd brought along on his lap.]

Have you felt like that before at all, lately? If it was from training, it wouldn't make sense for it to just happen out of the blue...

[Tenma's getting watched with a serious expression.]

This is part of what worries me. Neither of us knows your power's limits well enough. You can see that, right?

[Defeated, Tenma sits down, letting his head rest on the back of the couch and closing his eyes.]

I--I don't know. Maybe? Like when something scares everyone, I suddenly get scared and sick at first, but it's not that bad.

[He brings his hands to his face to brush his bangs from his eyes and squeeze his face. If he says that's why he needs the high stress training, Shindou would only get mad again and avoid him for another week.]

...I guess, I'm scared.

...But it's not like you're just scared of what everyone else is, though?

[That's a stupid question, Shindou supposes. The overwhelmed look on his friend's face before hadn't been anything like straightforward emotion, at least from how it had seemed to him. And there wasn't anything beyond the obvious to get to him then, either, was there?

He sits back, giving Tenma his space.]

You could talk to the Professor about it, or one of the other psychics on the staff? Or...if you don't want that, we can work on it together. I can help you look for other students to train with, even, if that would be better.

Just... [A guilty look. However hard he tries and however miserable giving this answer makes him feel, he can't bring himself to cave.]

The way things are right now, I don't feel right about what you asked before. I just can't.

[Tenma shakes his head, his hands resting over his face]

That's not...

[He stops himself mid-sentence. He could tell Shindou was already feeling guilty. If he told his senpai he was scared of losing him to the changing world as well, he knew it would make things even more uncomfortable. What right did he have to be so selfish when his teammate was so emotionally vulnerable?]

...I'll talk to someone. [He gets up and turns away] I think I need to go back to my room to rest. I'll... see you at practice. [Not waiting for Shindou to stop him, Tenma runs off]

Wait, Tenma...!

[The mid-fielder darts out of reach before Shindou can wave for him to stop or even make a grab for his sleeve. At this point, he might've tried that...

But he's too slow on the draw, and just like that he's left sitting in an empty room, with Tenma's sweets from home still cooling on the plate in his lap. He slowly droops his chin to stare down at them. Giving chase, after everything else that's happened this week, would just be blindly inconsiderate, wouldn't it?]

...damn it...

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